What do we ALWAYS say is the most important thing in a relationship....? Well mine is communication. So my theory begins here. I learned a lot from my divorce. Through our experiences we hopefully walk away with something. There are always postive things and of course the challenges.
I like to call this "The Sock on the Pile" When we first meet the love of our life, partner, etc. eveything is amazing. He/she snores, it is ok. They leave the toilet seat up, it is ok. They are kinda messy, it is ok. You get where I am going. I can "fix" that. It will change once we get married, I don't mind picking up after them I love them. Now I have just mentioned the obvious things. Silly things really. I have not even touched on bigger things, things that in the end when not talked about WILL lead to divorce or a very unhealthy situation. This is where the "Sock on the Pile" comes in.
Fast forward mmmm maybe 2 years. You are living together, married. The honeymoon phase, as some refer to it, has faded. Remember when you were first getting to know each other, how you talked about communication being so important? Well this is when the break down begins. We let something go that bothers us over and over and over. Never talking about or sharing how we feel. We let it " pile up" until that last sock is thrown on top of the pile and that is when you lose it. Now it has nothing to do with that sock at all, it has all to do with the fact that at the bottom of the pile, under all that stuff is the root of why you are really angry.
I want to leave you with what I have learned through my experience. Knowing who you are, what you want; limits, desires, boundaries and not being afraid to ask for what you need, that is a recipe for success. Accept someone for who they are, don't try to or think you can change them. A really great book that I share with friends is Love is Letting Go of Fear, by Gerald Jampolsky. A very easy read. Until tomorrow, much love.
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