I've fallen and I cant get up.

We stumble through life sometimes,  ha, most of the time. What is the purpose? Do you ever just think about that question? Why are we here? I am here to lift up. I am here to encourage. I am here to bring a smile to people faces. I am here to bring beauty to life. I am also here to raise amazing young men.

Most of my life I have dealt with my weight. As a child I was a chunky kid. I was made fun of, called names, spit on, things like that. I left a school because I was called fat and teased. Now I am sharing this with you for a pity party, it is just part of my journey. I lost 80 lbs twice. once in my 20's and again in my 40's. When we are given something, especially twice, I see it as a gift and God trying to tell me something. So sharing my story of hard work and believing I can do it is very important. Now there are tons of weight loss stories out there. People lose weight all the time, but what they don't talk about is the mind part of it.

I use to volunteer my time at the EDU ( eating disorder unit) at Children's Hospital. I would go in and give haircuts. The first time I went in, I cried the whole way home. I had never been so close to such a terrible disease. It broke my heart.  I know we all have someting that we battle with, no one has it all together. If you do leave a comment, I want to pick your brain. :) SO through my second round of weight lose 6 years ago, and coming into perimenapause during it ( cruel joke) gaining 20 back (another cruel joke) and experiencing this in the my 40's, which has been an amazing personal growth decade so far. I found that my brain and thoughts of my body never came with me through the weight lose. Now I hate the word FAT, hate it. Unless used in a sentence, mom those shoes are PHAT! but that is what my brain tells me, it is a consistent conscious effort to change your thoughts and change your life. In my journey people are sent to me to inspire them, like my 16 year old client who I mentioned a couple days ago. Your mind is a powerful thing, remember where you are right now is where you need to be. If you are having trouble moving forward in something, I believe it is because you have not embraced where you are right now. Love you you have become. I do :) Until tomorrow. Much love.

Dating.

When do you get to a point where you are just tired of it? Dating that is. It is a personal thing. The game, the chase. It all becomes so confusing. Well I had this really great conversation with one of my clients today, 21 and so wise. We all have values, we hope. How we were brought up, what our parents represented and did not, our faith, etc. I call that our foundation. If we for some reason did not have the greatest roll models as children we are left to fend for ourselves or Maybe we have another family member, friends parent that left an imprint. If not we are going off of what we know. If we dont know better we dont do better.

Driving myself crazy, but cracking up at the sametime. The online dating became entertainment, bored at home with so many options of sites to chose from. It sounds terrible typing that. Technology has taken getting to know someone to such an impersonal place. I actually had one guy tell me he did not have a bit of chivarly in his body. Dang. What has happened to us? Now not everyone is like that, but the pool is getting smaller. So I have come to the space that you really have to let go and let God. Dont settle for what your heart knows to be true. That feeling, that knowing, that spark, that comfort. I think I have felt it, but was not ready for it. Timing..So I stop looking.

HAHA, now I know some of you have some stories from dating! You should share them in the comment box. Funny ones, awesome ones, crazy ones. I would love to read them. You know my want for this blog is to share the things I have been through with very little fliter. Touch people, lift them up, remind them that we all go through somethuing but it does not define us. We are amazing in our own way.

I want to close with an experience and conversation with another client of mine, 16 years old. the convo was about body image and how hard it can be in high school with girls and looks. Man, I reminded her that the negative things that people say are only a reflection of how they are feeling about themselves, most of the time it has nothing to do with who they are aiming it at. No matter what we need to keep empowering each other with positive. Meet people where they are. My friend said that to me last nght. MEET PEOPLE WHERE THEY ARE. think about it . No power struggle. Until tomoirrow. Much love.

Timing is everything.

As I begin my morning I am faced with the cinnamon rolls that my son picked out at the store staring at me, or the oatmeal with blueberries and coconut milk. The difference bertween your 20's and 40's. Of course I picked the rolls...JK. So, timing...ahh yes, I was right where I suppose to be. Now I dont know about you, but coming off a divorce is like standing in Grand Central station, right in the middle, not moving. So I went back to what I knew, my actions before I got married. It was to much to think about. Especially with kids. Oh man, the hardest part.

So this online dating thing was quite a distraction for me. Just what the doctor ordered. haha. Not really, but you do what you gotta do, right. Those of you reading who have been my clients for a long time probably could vouch for this next part. The dates I would go on, in my mind, I would think, ok this might be it. Dating in your 40's is definitely a bit different then your 20's, or dating guys in their 20's :) I will just leave that alone...for now. I had my share of testing out all the different sites. So many people looking for love. Key word looking. There was actually one guy who had a cut and paste, I would call it a resume, he would email out. In it was his family history detailed right down to their health background. He was not from here,(had my share of those) So he had a mile radius that he would fly because the tickets were under 300.00. For real. You know I had some really great encounters with some really amazing men. To this day are still in my life, you know who you are!

I think for me the whole process of looking has changed. I have to stop looking. Friends have said the word  "organic" naturally or giving it up. It took me 5 years to realize that maybe now I am ready. So many things to reflect on after something ends. Death, a marriage, business. Their was a lot of closure to deal with. The stories I have from all the dates are very colorful. I look forward to sharing a few.

I would like to close today with something that I experienced on Monday with my oldest son. He is on a very spirtual journey right now, which if you know me I embrace because God is my center. On Monday we went to Boulder and sat on Pearl Street mall, doing Kirtan with the Devotees of the Khrisnas. AS I am sitting there, in the middle of Pearl St., shaking my instrument and watching people walk by, some joining us and dancing, some looking at us like I looked at them in the 70's. My main thought was social media, as they are taking pictures and video, this is going to end up on Facebook. Lol, I came away with a lot with this experience. We are all LOOKING for something, just make sure you are looking within also. Don't believe eveything your mind tells you. Until tomorrow. Much love.

Seriously...

You know, I have been thinking about this blogging thing for about, eh, 2 years now. Me and "techy" stuff lets just say I put out street lights when I drive by. Nothing to do with anything. Anyway...I have so much to share. Alot of you have been on this "Life after Divorce" with me as clients. You have to admit, I have some funny stories and some crazy amazing kids!!!

So here we go, the beginning of my journey in my 40's, divorce, parenting and growing up..kinda. Now I don't want to give it all away right away, but I think I will start with "Dating after Divorce" or DAD. Crazy how it works out to that. So, 2009 was the year of transitioning from marriage to ...trying to figure out what was next. You know you go through so much in your head when you make a decision to leave something you thought would last  "forever", till death do you part, etc. I was coming off the death of my mother, my grandmother (in the same year) and my grandpa a year and a half later. Opening 2 salons, and losing 80 lbs. and so much in between. I thought, I am so ready to date. I have been unhappy for awhile, it is time to find someone that treats me the way I deserve to be treated. Right?!

I dont want to get to crazy into the 6 years, but the online dating thing then was really taking off, well it was new to me. Right out of the box I connected with a guy that I had met the first year I had moved here (1996) and fell head over heels for. of course, he was engeaged at that time and I was going to change that... not. Anyway, he found me on yahoo personals and was divorced. I receive an email from him, he had no idea idea it was me. I thought, what a love story, see this is where I am suppose to be...