What am I afraid of?

Loving. I don’t think I have a real grasp on that. I listen to all the love songs, read the poetry of those who have felt it, deep. I thought I had it once. I have not really let anyone in since then. Why? 

I ask myself, will it happen again? Letting God lead the way. Release the control, fear. On the other side of fear is love. I can’t seem to get there. There is a couple sitting next to me on the plane. They are on the way to seal the last details of there wedding. Their energy feels like they have only been together for moments, it has been 8 years. We live to find that energy. 

We must love ourselves, before we can be loved, They say. Did I love myself when I first felt love? What is different now. I am grown, love my career, two amazing young men. I feel grounded in me, what is the hold up? I don’t have a problem going on a first date, what I long for is wanting a second one. People say, I don’t mind being by myself. I have been speaking that to myself for years. Lies. Maybe I need to change my mantra. 

I welcome you in, I am open to your love, thank you for loving me. 

Much love ️ until next time.

 No Expectations 

What if we lived our life with no expectations? No expectations of anything or anyone. I believe we would be living in the moment of each experience. 

We need to know our lane, that clear path. How to act, if you will. Society doesn’t encourage living in the moment. Everything is mapped out. Movies have a rhythm and presentations have a flow. I understand structure, but what about balance? What about embracing people right where they are? 

 There is freedom in sharing a love so free, with no expectations and no labels. There is only ease and passion. Normally I try to figure things out, we are human after all, but the energy within this connection will not allow me to. It is the craziest thing ever, yet it is the most peaceful existence. 

There is freedom within peace. When we set expectations on people there is no room for freedom. There is a pressure to perform. It truly brings humans closer together. Expectations push us away. 

I feel like a lot of us go through life like wounded animals. Peaking our heads out to make sure it is okay. Did I do that the right way? Did I say something wrong? Is that what they “expected?” It gives me anxiety typing it. 

I will leave you with this. The next time you engage with someone, a lover, a friend, or family, just come to them with love. Ask them how their heart is, then listen. No expectations, only love. 

Much love, ️ until next time. 

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THE LOST FILES.

 I sat, going through the scrap book of my mom and dads musical journey. A journey I only heard about. I felt lost, and cheated out of the knowing. What if this love would have lasted here on earth? Would I be different? I couldnt help feeling like it was my fault. I was born, so there for both of your journeys shifted.

Our journey is about the story. It makes us stronger and more resilient. In all honesty, I am tired of being stronger and resilient. I long for the ease and strength from another. Many come to us with the belief that they can fulfill this. The truth is, they come to us with their story and need for fulfillment. It has nothing to do with us. How do we bring together two humans, each with their own story, and be as one? 

The answer is complex. What I know to be true is, acceptance. Acceptance of each other, as we are. No judgement. No expectations, only love and communication. The secret sauce to making a beautiful roux. Maybe then we won’t feel so lost. Maybe then we shift together, instead of apart. Until next time ♥️ so much love.