The beauty in a life passing on.

The outside of her house was immaculate; the inside was full of fear, organized chaos and not letting go. Let's just say my mom would have needed a couple credit cards for the baggage. After my mom passed, being the only child, I was to take a look into what she had left behind. You could say; I really got to know my mom and what a gift it was with a tremendous amount of healing.

The house description is such a perfect metaphor for the appearance of my mom. Always put together from head to toe, but on the inside she was packed full of stuff. My childhood was rocky, lets just leave it at that. You can say I overcame a lot. For that I am am grateful. Up until my 30's I was really a victim of my youth and what my mother had put me through. I say it that way because it feels like that in the mind of a victim. One day in a counseling session, my counselor looked at me and asked me why I was such a victim. I responded with a list of things my mother "did" to me. She just shook her head and said; are you going to keep that for the rest of your life, or are you going to forgive her and start living? She saved my life that day.

The sweetest gift in that was being able to accept my mom for who she was just as she was. The day she passed away I held no anger or resentment only love for her ...the INSIDE of her. When I started the journey of cleaning out a house that she could not and had not lived in for 10 years I Met my mother from the inside out. Her fear brought out the OCD and hoarding disorder. I called it "An archaeological dig". The things on top were from the last year living there all the way down to her birth. I really could go on and on about everything she kept to how many of the same things she had, but the real gift was I learned how much she loved me, which I had once had doubts because of actions.

Let go. Move on. Love. We miss out on so much when we hang on to STUFF. Get to know your parents, love them just as they are. from the inside out. If we don't know better, we don't do better. Know better. Until next time. Much love.