What am I afraid of?

Loving. I don’t think I have a real grasp on that. I listen to all the love songs, read the poetry of those who have felt it, deep. I thought I had it once. I have not really let anyone in since then. Why? 

I ask myself, will it happen again? Letting God lead the way. Release the control, fear. On the other side of fear is love. I can’t seem to get there. There is a couple sitting next to me on the plane. They are on the way to seal the last details of there wedding. Their energy feels like they have only been together for moments, it has been 8 years. We live to find that energy. 

We must love ourselves, before we can be loved, They say. Did I love myself when I first felt love? What is different now. I am grown, love my career, two amazing young men. I feel grounded in me, what is the hold up? I don’t have a problem going on a first date, what I long for is wanting a second one. People say, I don’t mind being by myself. I have been speaking that to myself for years. Lies. Maybe I need to change my mantra. 

I welcome you in, I am open to your love, thank you for loving me. 

Much love ️ until next time.